How it feels to start

Today, today as I sit down to word my thoughts about starting, I’m being pushed to think about the very start of the earth. How beautiful it was, how filthy it became and how a forty day flood destroyed it and finally how it started again. The second start. No. It wasn’t a second start, it was a start, it was a new and fresh start.

So,how does it feel to start? Not
starting all over again; not starting because it is a new year, not starting because it is a new decade but starting because it is a beginning and starting because it is the very first of something.

It feels sweet to start. It feels like like walking into a decade with a light heart. So light that I barely remember what happened to me in the last decade. So light that I feel I’ve just been born in this decade. So light that I barely recall moments in my last decade. It feels like this decade has been waiting for me all this while to make me feel this way_ that this is where all my wishes are finally going to be granted.

Just as the earth, I was born beautiful and innocent. Everyone who set their eyes on me so that beauty. And one day, on that very day a man get rid of my innocence, he broke me, he hurt me, he smeared me with mud, he took away my purity. I felt that something was taken away from me, I felt it was something precious.

And I felt something was missing because he replaced my innocence with inquisitiveness. I wanted to know more and more. And when I knew more; I loved and I hated and was confused. I didn’t want to love and to be loved
anymore.

I just wanted to love him. He made me feel like it was him, he made me feel anyone couldn’t love me, he made me feel I couldn’t love anyone but him. I loved him. I really did so much that should I be given one more chance, ‘ just me and him’ I won’t change a thing, I’ll still love him. That chance will never come again.

I started by entertaining him, then to another, and to another, and to another until one day I said not anymore. That day was 31 DEC 2019.that day that decade was closed forever.

That day my broken pieces attached themselves together and made me new. That day I was ready to love again. That day somebody made me feel I deserved better and much more.That day I was ready to love for real, not anyone from my past. No, not any, but someone special that this decade holds for me. I believe he is here somewhere looking for me. I’m waiting.

Everyone says love hurts, but that isn’t true at all. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Loosing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feels wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt

Liam Neeson


So if I was hurt by the one I loved. If I could trace all the hurting I received back to him, then he really never loved me like I loved him. Maybe it was something else, far from love. Tell me maybe. Because love doesn’t hurt.

It feels so sweet to heal

It feels so sweet to start.

12 thoughts on “How it feels to start”

      1. Wow Kenya, this is a country where I have never been and in the near future I will definitely not be 🙂 In that case your blog will be a nice source of information about your country.

        Liked by 1 person

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